Every day it’s our language that shapes us - the words and phrases that we use, the intonations and inflections, the positivity and negativity.
This language has a great impact on our state of mind and subsequently on our positivity, our productivity and our performance. It can be the vital component when breaking down achievement and non achievement. Therefore, it is crucial to be aware of our internal dialogue, so that we can have it working for us and not against us.
Within the sporting world, I have often heard people talk about ‘getting in their own way’ when they are performing. This means that they have created a conflict between their conscious and unconscious minds and are unable to remain congruent.
One of the main contributors to incongruence is the way in which we use language to speak to ourselves.
By using the right language we can make a very positive impact on our performance.
The importance around use of language when discussing the realm of the mind is massive and there is simply too much to cover in one article. However, just consider the following few words, their usage and the potential impact this can have on our beliefs and behaviour:
TRY
Very often you will hear people (yourself included I’m sure) saying that they will ‘try’ and do something. What does that actually mean? If I was to drop my car keys on the floor and ask you to ‘try’ and pick them up, you only have two options - either you pick them up or you don’t!
When someone uses the word ‘try’ a lot, it usually means they are giving themselves an option not to do something. When you remove ‘try’ from their language, the person is much more likely to be focused on succeeding.
HOPE
‘Hope’ is most definitely related to ‘try’. They are family. If you ask someone if they can do something and they reply “I hope so”, there is a fairly strong chance they don’t believe they can do it.
‘Hope’ like ‘try’ gives us an alternative. If we hope we will do something, we are allowing ourselves a get out clause - we might do it; we might not.
Normally when people use the word ‘hope’ a lot it signifies that they have a doubt or limiting belief. Where necessary, this needs to be identified and changed.
BUT
The word ‘but’ is pure magic. It has the ability to make anything that went before it disappear.
Positive feedback can be destroyed by the word ‘but’. E.g. “You played brilliantly today but…”, “that meeting went really well but…” etc.
What happens next is that people only remember the negatives.
If you simply replace the ‘but’ with an ‘and’, then any message being delivered is one of positivity not negativity and you are still conveying your thoughts as you wish.
Lastly, I want to share one final word with you that all on its own can drive our senseless habits and make us act irrationally.
That word is ‘Because.'
In 1977, psychologist Ellen Langer and her research team at Harvard University conducted an experiment that changed our understanding of human behaviour.
Langer asked her research assistants to cut in front of innocent people waiting in line at the photocopiers in the library. This is how it worked:
A researcher would spot someone waiting at the copy machine and walk over with the intention of cutting the person in line. Then, the researcher would look at the innocent bystander and ask them one of three questions:
Version 1 - “Excuse me, I have 5 pages. May I use the Xerox machine”
Version 2 - “Excuse me, I have 5 pages. May I use the Xerox machine because I’m in a rush?”
Version 3 - “Excuse me, I have 5 pages. May I use the Xerox machine because I have to make copies?”
I’m sure, like me, you’ve noticed that Version 3 doesn’t make much sense. Using the phrase “because I have to make copies” is a fairly useless reason for skipping the line, as everyone in the line is there to make copies!
The phrase contained no new information but the researcher was trying to use it to justify the favour anyway. Surprisingly, this senseless reason preformed well. When the data was analysed they found the following:
Version 1 - 60% of people let the researcher skip the line
Version 2 - 94% of people let the researcher skip the line
Version 3 - 93% of people let the researcher skip the line
Langer’s research, known as The Copy Machine study, was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
The study became famous because it uncovered one of the most powerful words we use to drive our behaviour - ‘because’.
Langer’s work proved that as long as we can justify a behaviour in our brains (“I’m doing this because…”), we would perform the behaviour even if the reason didn’t make sense!
Author, Robert Cialdini explained this phenomenon by saying, “A well known principle of human behaviour says that when we ask someone to do us a favour we will be more successful if we provide a reason. People simply like to have reasons for what they do.”
A Game Changer says…
Take some time out to consider the language you tend to use on a daily basis. Perhaps ask a loved one or close friend to help out. This is not about running a critique, this is about helping yourself.
I can think of many occasions when I use the word ‘because’ simply to facilitate my own wishes and beliefs, yet knowing full well that my reasoning doesn’t always make sense. We often don’t question ourselves simply because we have a reason, even if it isn’t a good one.
I’d venture to say that we do this to ourselves in many areas of life:
Fitness - how are you justifying not exercising regularly?
Writing - what is your reason for why you can’t write each day?
Business - how is your mindset preventing you from progression?
The reasons that we use to guide our behaviour are just stories that we tell ourselves. Sometimes, those stories are true and accurate. We all have reasons for why “now isn’t quite the right time”, why we slip up on habits that we say are important to us and why we do favours for people.
What we often fail to realise, however, is that our behaviours can just as easily be driven by irrational reasons as logical ones! And yet we just plough on.
Utilising the right language in our daily lives will most definitely lead to a more positive mindset and quite often a better reality. It will also lead to better efficiency, performance and rapport whether it be in the workplace, on the sports field or at home.